I, however, did not, for reasons already explained in the last installment of this blog.
I will be doing the Mudder in October of 2013, and I'll be back to talk about the Adventures in Mudder Training in January. So stay tuned...
But even though I didn't do my Mudder, the journey worked to almost get there worked the way it was supposed to. It's been almost 5 months to the day since The One Who Broke My Heart broke my heart. And while it's not completely healed yet and may never be, I can honestly say that I am good. I am happy. I am strong. And I still think that life is pretty amazing.
I'm in a fabulous new career, something I never really thought was possible. I absolutely love it--I actually get paid to make new friends, and what in the world could be better for a girl who loves to make new friends?? Seriously, it's hard work, but it's something I think I'm getting good at, and I love going to work every day. I feel so lucky, and I honestly don't think I'd have taken the steps to get there without having gone through all of this. It made me look at my life, look at what really makes me happy, and decide to take a leap of faith on something a little uncertain, a little scary, but something that had the potential to make me very happy for a very long time. The girl I was 6 months ago might not have taken the risk, too scared to fail. But there's something very powerful about losing someone you love; it forces you not to take anything in your life for granted, not even one minute of one day. Just go get what you want and be happy. Because life is too short not to be anything but completely happy.
My babygirl is doing great, in school and in life, and I couldn't be prouder. She's the one person I truly can't live without. There were times when I felt like I might die without him, my soulmate, but it didn't happen. Having her to take care of, my sweet girl who depended on me not to fall apart...she kept me moving forward even when I didn't want to. She inspired me to try this Mudder thing even though it wasn't anything I ever thought I could do. I want to finish it for her next year, to show her that her old mom is a fighter. Not because she's trying to block out a painful break-up. But just because she's a bad a$$. Period.
Maybe then when she hits her teen years, she won't give me so much grief. If she knows I can do one-armed push-ups, hopefully she'll tow the line. ;)
Dating...let's see...happy to say that I'm actually trying some of that. It feels a long way from the Sunday afternoon about a month ago when I had a panic attack after filling out the EHarmony questionnaire just to see who they'd match me up with and figuring out that I was actually out there for all of the EHarmony world to see. I freaked out and shut it down after about 20 minutes. No need to go into any details here (after all, I'm not Carrie Bradshaw, though I'd love to have all of her shoes. And Mr. Big!!!), but suffice it to say I'm having fun.
My knee seems to be ready to go again. I'm going to head back to the gym this weekend and get moving. I'm planning to start back with P90X on Monday. I have missed it, I really have. I actually like being the chick who hates to miss a spin class and can do 15 guy push-ups in a row (so far--shooting for many more this time around!). But I'm going slow to make sure I don't hurt it again, so my goal to have my spin certification by my birthday in December might have to be adjusted a little.
I'll be back in the New Year to get ready for Tough Mudder 2013. Maybe before if I find a snake in my closet. I started all of this thinking I might actually die doing the Mudder, and now I think I'd have done it and survived. It wouldn't have been pretty, but I would have finished. And all those times I felt like losing him might just kill me seem pretty far away now. It wasn't pretty sometimes, but I survived. I believed I could, so I did.
It's been fun to chronicle my training adventures on here, and it's been therapeutic to talk about all the mushy stuff. So thanks to all who put up with both.
Till 2013, or a snake finds its way into my closet again, this is farewell. Bye y'all!!
